daddy's girl

I love this picture of Travis and Anna relaxing. Could she be any more relaxed? I have enjoyed watching Travis grow into his role of dad these last few weeks. This is what Travis wrote the week Anna was born: (I think it is super sweet!)

I am really loving being a daddy and am so happy to have Anna in our home. Niff is a great little mother. I am impressed by her patience and love. Watching Niff go through labor gave me a respect and appreciation for her like never before. Wow!

I was able to fully participate in the labor process. It was an amazing experience. I was right by Niff's side and did my best to help coach and encourage her. I was able to cut the umbilical chord and be the one to announce the gender of the new born baby to everyone in the room. I knew it would be a cool experience, but I never imagined it would touch me so profoundly.

Now that we have Anna home we have been attempting to learn to be parents and develop a routine in our dramatically changed lives. I was fully expecting these changes and they have been very welcome. There have been a few changes/adjustments that I never anticipated, but Niff is very patiently helping through.

I am finding it a bit challenging to find what my role is and how I fit in the big picture. Mom and baby rely on one another, but how does dad fit in? I have loved spending this past week at home and not having any worries other than my family. I have been able to make meals for Niff, massage her feet while she feeds Anna, do laundry, keep the house picked up, etc. It has been really nice. As I attempt to prepare for returning to work (and soon school too) I begin to feel a bit selfish. I feel that I should participate in all that mom and baby are doing, but that is not realistic. If I am off doing something else I feel as though I am not doing my part. Niff and I had a nice talk and I am feeling much more comfortable with my role. I am responsible for working and providing for the family. In the evenings I can help Niff out with Anna in any way possible and provide Niff with a little bit of time to herself as necessary. The talk with Niff helped me out.

I also have a hard time doing things that I want to such as go for a jog, developing MyFoxBox, and working on other computer projects. I feel guilty doing what I want to do when Niff is busy meeting Anna's needs 24-7. I have participated in almost all of the feedings, changes, etc so far which has been nice, but some times I am there and not really helping that much; there really isn't all that much that I can do during a feeding :) I feel like I am not doing my part if I wander off and do something else (even if it is a chore). As we find more balance and adjust to Anna's schedule and needs this will definitely improve as well.

I know that I will adjust and feel much more adequate in the weeks to come. Conversations with Niff have helped me a great deal. I am absolutely loving being a father. I just thought I would share with you some of the challenges of being a new father that completely blind-sided me.

Note: This may or may not make any sense at all, but it is my best attempt to put recent feelings into words.

See. I told you he was cute! :)